happy

Yesterday i was asked if i was happy. most people would just quickly say yes i am happy and move on with the conversation.... but i looked over my life and the last few days and i answered as honestly as i could. i am working on being happy. i have been happier the last few days then i have been in a long time. And when i am not happy i pretend to be happy. if u pretend long enough then u might just become happy and not notice..... ha ha ha.

how is life....

things are going good. i feel more confident and happy. i can close my eyes and see the person that i want to be and i feel closer to her everyday. i know that the road to her is not easy, but what worth anything is?

i spent most of this week at pinky pu-ji's house. my goal was to be the person that i am aspiring to be. it felt great. i was happy. they liked the person that i was. pinky pu-ji even said that she wants to find a girl just like me for her son when it is time for him to marry. i was touched by that.

pj and i are back in eachothers arms and i am in complete bilse... i knew that i have missed him but i did not comprehend how much. i love him so much. we are planning the future and life is good.

im back...

i feel great. i am doing great with all my goals.(well except for the school thing. still having trouble getting the stuff together.)

standing on the edge

i am staying with pinky pu-ji and her family for a few days and i am having a good time. i get lots of time to think and i came to realise that i am no longer on the edge of change. i have changed. i am a better person then i was. an i know that it will take time and hard work to continue becoming better i have taken the first steps and i am happier because of it. i feel like a better person because of it. i know if i can change so can anyone else. i am getting ride of the crap in my life.

so i am doing well and so is everyone here. things are going good in my life and pj will be here in a few days.... super excited!!!!! anyways will blog again later..

Talking

i talk with pj. I think that is is interesting how I can be so far away from pj and when we talk on the phone it feels like he is in the other room and going to walk in any moment. he feels so close. My goodness i cant wait for him to get back here. I miss him.

i talk with my mom more about everthing when i am here. i mean we have been very close for a few years now but it just seems that we make more of an effort to connect more. (and i love it when she calls, because i know that it costs alot to call me and she makes the effort to atleast call and say that she loves me. lol it might not make sence to anyone but me...)

i talk with some of my friends in usa. i miss them. they are so good to me. i asked them to check in on my mom and family while i am gone... to most people that would be a "hey how is life going for you? oh thats good. ok see you later." and then only once a month or something. but nooooo my friends help out often. they go over and spend time getting to know what my family needs and then are there to help. they are amazing...... :)

i talk to god. another promises that i made is to pray more. i feel closer to my maker. i try to take an hour everyday to meditate. during that time i think about were i want from this life, what i can dring to the lifes of the people that i love, and i talk with god. i think it is one of my favoret parts of my day.


But on to other things. i have been doing very good with my promises. i feel stronger as a person. i mean yes i have been working out but i am not talking about that kind of strength. i mean that inner strength. the only promises that i am having a problem with is contenuing to go to school. my school and i are having problems. but other then that i am doing great.

just thinking....

it is 4th of july and i am here in india, my heart is in florida and half of my family is in washington. they will be having a BBQ. watching fireworks. laughing and making memories.... i wish i was there. like beam me there for a few days and then beam me back after i see mom and dad and everyone. i miss them.

my life is crazy

hey i live in India right now. PJ is in Florida till the 13th. i miss him but i am doing ok here. the 14th of June was my birthday and i made some promises to myself. some goals if you want to say. i have not told anyone what they are but i will share some of them here.

i promise to be honest with myself.
i promise to be honest with PJ.
i promise to share my feelings and hopes and dreams with him. (we have been going through some stuff and i have kept it all bottles inside. we want to make things work and i am going to give 100%)
i promise to be and stay in school working to my goal of a PhD.
i promise to exercise more.
i promise to be loyal and true to myself.
i promise to spend more quality time with my family.

ok these are the ones that i am willing to share. i love my family and friends and i know that they will help me keep my promises.