hard work starts to payoff

i have been working on a few projects and yesterday i started seeing good things coming from it. i feel so happy i could burst. i feel so alive and like i have so much to do and live for. lol dont get me wrong i have always had something to live for but yesterday i was given a glimpse into forever and i liked what i saw. i am truly and utterly happy right this moment. i know there will be boulders and stumbling blocks ahead of me but i know that i can do anything i put my mind to. i know what i want in life and i am going for it. and to anyone who thinks that they cant do something let me tell u from personal experience it will be a hard road. harder then you could ever imagine but if it is worth it, you can do it. you can overcome anything if you are willing to work on it. and it is a good thing that my mom gave me a good work ethic because it made me look at my life, see what i needed to change, and change it. no matter what the cost of changing my life it was worth it. and i thank my mom for being with me every step of the way even when she did not know it and was on the other side of the world from me. when i think of the kind of woman i want to be she is the woman i picture. she is the strongest, most spiritual, and most unwavering person that i know. i know she was not born perfect. but she has worked to become the best person she can be. she has gone through hellish moments in life and come out from them with her head held high and never given up. she is my hero and i love her. she is the person i strive to be more like. i know we should strive to be like god but i dont think i am ready for that. i dont think i am ready to place the bar at perfection i know that i will make a mistake and then i will give up on that goal and if i give up on that goal i will give up on all of them and be back to doing things to make me forget. so my goal is to be more like mom. the closest person i know to being god like. i know it sounds odd but i look at it this way she has made mistakes in her life and come out better for them. when i think of her i think of a pic that i once drew. a woman in a mask and cape. her cape had been torn and restitched. there was dirt and mud on it. she had blood on her mask and knuckles. she was not perfect but she was doing what she could for those who could not do for themselves. i never showed it to anyone. after i finished it i tucked it away somewhere and lost it. but i think about it often when i think about my mom. she is my super hero and i hope that someday i can be as good and as kind as she is. that is my quest. not perfection but the closest thing i have ever found.

i dont strive to change the world. i just strive to change the lives of the people around me for the better. maybe someday, if everyone does the small things, the world will be a better place for all of us. - megan hawkins

just me

i can be anything. i can pretend that i am anyone. i can be what u want or they want. i can blend into the crowed or stand out. i can act any part u want me to play. i can be the perfect person for u. but if i do this for u, u will never know the real me. u will never know the person behind all the smiles and charm. i will sell myself if that is what asked of me. but in the end when all the cards are played u will know a stranger thinking that it is me. so i will just be me. with my flaws and work in progress life. u will have to accept my strange love of music, sports, comic books and art. i accept u just the way u are now can u accept me. if not i will not change. i am me. i have learned to love myself and should not have to change into another person to have u love me. if u cant love the person i am then there is the door. it will hurt me to see u go. we have been through so much but it would be a mistake to pretend to be anyone but me. i am simply me and i love myself.

another one of my fav song

I'll Come For You lyrics
Nickelback
Songwriters: Kroeger, Chad;

Just one more moment
That's all that's needed
Like wounded soldiers
In need of feeling

Time to be honest
This time I'm pleading
Please don't dwell on it
'Cause I didn't mean it

I can't believe I said
I'd lay my love on the ground
But it doesn't matter
'Cause I made it up
Forgive me now

Everyday I spent away
My soul's inside out
Gotta be someway
That I can make it up
To you now some how

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes, I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded
But now I'm seeing
My mind was closing
Now I'm believing

I finally know just
What it means
To let some one in
To see the side of me
That no one does or ever will

So if you're ever lost and
Find yourself all alone
I'd search forever
Just to bring you home
Here and now, it's a vow

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes, I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I'll always come for you

Yes, I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes, I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I'll always come for you

I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember
You know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you

Lyrics from one of my fav songs

How You Remind Me lyrics
Songwriters: Kroeger, Michael; Vikedal, Ryan; Kroeger, Chad; Peake, Ryan;

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
?Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, no

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, "Are we having fun yet?"

Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
Are we having fun yet?
Yeah, yeah
No, no

As The Days Go By

i miss pj. he has been gone for about a week. so i looking forward to seeing him in a few days...

i have been doing great on my goals and mom has gotten the stuff done for me so i can get back in school. she has been so amazing. i hope to be more like her.

i dont really have much to say today. i have had trouble sleeping. my bad dreams are back. i miss my mom and everyone over there.

well till..... till.... till next time. (as mom always says) over and out.

A Few Quotes

A Few Quotes


- I believe it is the nature of people to be heroes, given the chance. -James A. Autry

- Life with out a friend is death without a witness. -Spanish Proverb

- Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. -Thomas Jefferson

A NEW DAWN, A NEW DAY

i look at every day as a chance to start over. to prove to myself that i am becoming a better person. i try to do better then i did yesterday. i dont always do better but i try. i have kept the promises that i made to myself. the only one that i am having trouble with is the schooling but mom is helping me to sort it out so i can get back in. i dont know what i would do without her. she is so amazing. i love her. i love my family. all of them. i hope that they know that even if we are fighting like cats and dogs i will do anything for them. i love them all...